My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

Nothing will change
If all the plans I make are wrong, Your love stays the same
Your light will guide me through it all, I'm hangin' on
I'm leaning in, to You

Nothing can reach,
The end of all Your faithfulness
Your grace is with me,
Through every shadow, every test
I'm hangin' on
I'm leaning in, to You

I don't know where you'll take me
But I know You're always good
My hope is built on nothing else,
Than Your great love, Your righteousness
I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on, to You

You are my rock
When storms are raging all along,
You shelter me, God
I'm safe with you on solid ground,
I'm hangin' on
I'm leaning in, to You

I don't know where you'll take me
But I know You're always good
My hope is built on nothing else,
Than Your great love, Your righteousness
I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on, to You

My hope is built on nothing else,
Than Your great love, Your righteousness
I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on, to You

I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You

I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on to You

I'm holdin' on to You (holdin' on to you)

My hope is built on nothing else,
Than Your great love, Your righteousness
I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name

-Paul Baloche

I heard this song today, and I think the Lord really wanted me to hear it.  It pretty much sums up my life!  

Let's talk more later, I have too much homework to do now.  I promise I will get around to updating this thing.

- Oh and by the way, I'm graduating in 164 days.

The Pain That Heals

Edmund: So, what was it like... when Aslan changed you back? 

Eustace: No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it myself. Then he came towards me. It sort of hurt, but... it was a good pain. You know, like when you pull a thorn from your foot.

The Chronicles of Narnia

I've watched this movie a few times, and it has such an impact on me each time.  Eustace is the cousin of Edmund and Lucy.  He does not believe in their talk of Narnia, but is forced to see that it is a real place when the three of them are brought back to Narnia.  He journeys along with them on their adventures, all the way being skeptic to every supernatural event.  Finally, they reach an island, where they are tempted.  Eustace is tempted as well and gives into this temptation.  It turns him into a dragon.  Later in the movie, Aslan changes him back and this is where the quote is from above.

Every time I have watched this movie, this scene has stood out to me.  The firs time I saw it, it made me think of the healing that God does in our hearts.  I thought of how we can't change our hearts, but God can and will.  It may hurt, but it IS the good kind of pain.  It is the restorative type.  This time as I anticipated this scene in the movie I saw a larger connection in this film.  

We are sinners, and we can't see our own sin.  We are proud, and believe our way is the best way.  Then get ourselves deep in sin.  We get to the point where we cannot change ourselves.  This is where Jesus comes in and heals us.  It may hurt, but it is good.  It is beautiful.  

I think of how gentle Aslan was with Eustace.  He took his claws, and ran them through the sand.  As he did this Eustace was being healed. Then Eustace was picked up from the ground, utterly helpless, and brought to an area where he could help the others defeat fear.

It reminds me that when we were completely sinful, God picked us up, and made us new.  He also makes all things work together for our good.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us

- Romans 5:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

- Ephesians 2:8

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.

-Romans 8:28

Senior-itis

I am sitting at Caribou Coffee on the last day of my fall break of my senior year, and I have realized it has hit me.  Senior-itis.  What is this you ask?  Or maybe you are familiar with the lack of motivation, late nights because of procrastination, and a longing to do anything, but homework.  I have had this lack of desire to do homework, because let's face it, most of the time homework is not that appealing to the average person.  The benefit of what I would be learning from the homework out stood this lack of desire.  I still see this benefit - in fact it is greater than any other year.  But, the only thing I can think of as i sit on my stool, staring at my computer, is how great it would be to have a book in my hands that has absolutely nothing to do with education standards or a unique scientist from the past.  
Don't misunderstand what I am saying - don't want to waste this year.  This year is paramount for me.  It is as if my footprints in my education are hardly visible compared to the inch deep ones I am making this year.  This year matters in a whole different way.  I am living off campus this year in a pied-à-terre that I have (it's actually just an apartment, but try to guess what movie that is from).  I have a job as a hostess at a Mexican restaurant, and today I started my training to be a server.  I have a car here now.  
All of this change has shaken me up hard.  It's brought me to emotions that scare me.  One very important thing I've learned is that God sees my state of emotions and it isn't too much for Him.  He knows my tendency to think I am responsible for taking care of my own emotions and here I am knee deep in emotions that I can't take care of.  This is where He meets me.  I am learning what the verse really means when it says cast ALL your cares on Him for He cares for you.  There is a beauty and reality about that verse that I didn't understand before.  The Lord is not shaken by my weakness.  He loves me and holds me.  I have been like this child scrunched up in a ball - my fists clenched tightly inward.  And all of this time He has been holding me, waiting for me to take a deep breath out and release my grip so I can feel His embrace.

Senior-itis:

One could think that it is only paired with words like homework, education, and motivation.  For me being a senior is the title of a deep, wonderful, and hard chapter of my life.  

A Very Exciting Summer

This summer was good, hard, challenging, inspiring, life-changing and so much more!  The things that I accomplished are:
-- driving an 11 passenger van with a trailer connected to it to six different locations
-- gave a totally of 19 sermons to children
-- stayed at 5 different family's houses and two camps
-- drove a pontoon
-- hitched a trailer onto a van
-- went a jet ski
-- wake boarded
-- went canooing
-- flipped a canoe on purpose
-- went fishing
-- went star gazing
-- had six minos in my mouth
-- taught soooooo many children how to make parachord bracelets
-- co-counseled with my lovely friend Jamey
-- saw the fireworks on a boat right above my head
-- walked through swampy water to play mission impossible
-- led devotionals for 5th and 6th graders
-- led games for campers
-- was in skits
-- was a part of the worship band at camp
-- washed my hair in the lake with some girl friends
-- got swimmers itch
-- got massive bug bites
-- did not get even ONE tick bite (Praise the Lord!)
-- Killed spiders that were in my shower
-- removed a dead frog from a canoe
-- got pied in the face like 7 times
-- got pushed in the lake twice by campers
-- learned how to properly swim
...Oh the list could go on and on

Trout Lake Camps has become another home for me.  I made so many amazing friendships, I learned so much about what it means to serve others.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." - Philippians 2:3-4

This verse came alive to me the week I co-counseled with my friend Jamey.  I became a leader and saw that I have a huge capacity to love much more than I ever thought I did.  I know there is so much more for me to discover about what I learned this summer.  I know that this season of summer is done, but I'm not sure about Trout Lake.  I love this camp you guys.  It truly has been a meeting place for me and God.  I found such a level of peace with Him there and was able to express emotions that I needed to share with my father.  I am sure I will share more later.  But for now it is a week at home and then I am moving into my apartment, getting a job, finding a car and starting my SENIOR year of college.  Oh boy - my life is crazy.

Oh Sweet Mother

Sorry...I failed at updating this thing.  I'm back from camp :-(...sad.  I will update...sometime...soon.  yup.  It was such an amazing experience!  I will share later.

Peace and Love people
Peace and Love

Coralville, Iowa - Trip 3

This week all three of us coordinators came together for one trip to Iowa.  It took about 9 hours, but with three drivers it was a smooth trip!  It's so fun to be in another state, and explore what is different and what is the same between minnesota and Iowa, Iowa and Wisconsin.  We are at a Church called Genesis that is in a restored big victorian white house.  Everyone in the community calls it The Big White House.  Usually on the 4th of July they have a community wide barbecue and about 700 people attend the event.  Because it has been so hot this week, and especially today, they decided to call of the event.  As much as it would have been fun to be a part of that, I am glad to have a day off.  And the fact that we are staying with the pastor's family makes it that much more fun, because they have three adorable kids who love to play and snuggle!  Along with the three of us (Abby, Lindsey, and myself) we have two guys on the trip: Josh and Ryan.  They are great and very fun to be around.

The Lord is doing something amazing at Genesis.  There is such a wide demographic of children at day camps even though there are only 17 kids attending.  He is really deepening my heart for children and for them to learn His word and know His love.  When it comes to day camps this week has been my favorite so far, because I feel that there is a new and exciting passion ignited in my heart from God.  It's real and that is why it is so exciting.  I really look forward to where these passions take me.

There isn't a whole lot else to update.  I see God working more than ever, and I am SO glad I chose to work at Trout Lake Camps this summer.  God had promised me that I was going to have an amazing summer and I keep on standing in amazement at how awesome this summer has been.

I would love for continued prayer when it comes to strength and energy to serve the kids and do my job well: for our whole team.  Also all of us on the team are sick in some fashion and so prayer for that would be wonderful.  I think the worst of my sickness is over (cold, fever...etc), but I want it to stay that way!

I think we are going out to eat tonight with our host family, and then seeing the fireworks!  What an adventure :-).

-Jamie

Trip 2 - Montevideo

Another 3.5 hour trip from trout lake and we ended up in Montevideo.  A small town with a walmart, a cute downtown and lots of green grass.  This week I have a team of two girls, Jamey and Ashley :-).  We all look alike, so that is pretty funny and was confusing for the kids at the beginning of the week.  Since there were two Jamie(ey)s this week I decided to go by my middle name not to confuse the kiddos.  I shortened Elizabeth and went with Izzy.  Haha...kind of weird, but it worked.  

This week we got to stay with a couple whose children are all married.  They live in this awesome old victorian house and we each got our own room.  Their bathroom has one of those old time bath tubs...so fun!  The wife works at a mini golfing and go carting business and we got to go mini golfing and go carting as their gift to us!  It was such a blast.  I'm sad I forgot my camera.  For counselor's night out (or girls night out for us this week) we went down town to a consignment shop and then a pizza place.  After that we had some pampering time with nail polish and a foot massage thing.

The kids have been so great.  They are a younger group this week, so gearing our messages to them has been harder, but nonetheless it has been a blessing to spend time with them and love them with Jesus' love.  There are a few kids that I have just fallen in love with!  

Overall it's been a good week - I'm learning the balance between serving and resting.  Boundaries are necessary for me to take care of myself and than serve others!  Please pray for me, that I may be able to have the courage to set those boundaries and live dependent on our Father. I know that is the only way I may serve others the best.  God has been so good and will always be good.  

Thanks for listening,

Jamie

Waconia -- trip 1

After two weeks of planning our day camps I have finally headed out with my first group of counselors to Waconia, MN.  It was a 3.5 hour drive that was spent in a 15 passenger van with a trailer on the back and yes I was driving it!  It was successful.  Our host family is amazing - they are so inviting and their house is wonderful and cozy.  That is wonderful after being at camp for two weeks.  Although I love camp and nature, having a bit of coziness is wonderful.  The first day of VBS was good, I learned a lot and learned that I have to delegate and communicate a lot!  I will share more later when I can.  So far things are going well and I am very blessed by everyone that is a part of this ministry!  What a great way to spend my summer :-).

I would appreciate prayer for strength, rest, and focus on the Lord and the people I am called to serve and love.

All for Him
-Jamie

A meeting place with God

I'm at camp! People have been really welcoming and my team of day camp gals are so fun and so different than me! The transition is nOt too bad but there is some struggle. I've found the boat dock to be my hide away and place with my papa so that's so sweet. It's peaceful, and I can so the sun ser and the moon begin to beam all at the same time! Right now we are just doing a lot of planning for vbs and one of the many places me, Abby and Lindsey have spent our "office hours" is this beautiful place (I will try to figure out how to get a pic on here soon). That's about it for me...time for bed. Ease keep me in your prayers that the transition would go well!

Selah

I have been home since May 11th.   That means that I have been here for 15 days (almost 16).  Each of these 15 days has seemed to sweep past me, yet little treasures have been given each day.  Amidst the sea of my sin, I have seen my father's blessing.  Is that what it means to be a finished work in progress? 

These past 15 days have been a time for my body, mind, and soul to take a deep inhale.  (deep breath, and as the oxygen releases from my nostrils I can feel there is still a tightening grip on my heart).  With the heavy load of school and the pain of life that I walked through this past semester, I have needed a time to pause and reflect.  A "Selah" if you will.  For the first few days my body guided me by directing me in paths of lying down on the couch, my bed, or some grass.  Although the tape in my mind that tells me what's wrong didn't approve of the lying down I knew better than to listen to that voice.  I praise my Father that the voice on that tape is getting quieter (maybe I will share more about that sometime).

These two weeks of rest and recovery have been much needed.  I don't know how I will adjust to camp life, but I know my heart isn't ready to stop recovering - in other words healing.  It feels like that has just begun in some ways.  I have had more time, and for the first part of it I wanted to find things to fill up the time to avoid any feeling of loneliness.  Then I had to remind myself that this time is and was a gift that I will not get in my life always.  I'm sure that sooner than I  know it I will be working and married and then children will come at some point and my time will be very limited.  I can use this season of my life, where my time is mine, wisely.  I can take time to journal, sit in the sun, read a book, lay on the couch, and drink sleepy time tea before bed with a book that I can't get my eyes out of (If you haven't read Redeeming Love I highly recommend it).

The tightening grip that I feel and have felt has everything to do with heart ache.  Heart each ebbs and flows in my soul.  Something can trigger it and all at once my heart is back to memories I'd rather push down, so I can move on to something happier, something that doesn't sting.  But it is there.  Some of the aches have been there for years, and some are freshly set upon the old ones.  There is someone that knows me really well, and who I am beginning to know, that can sit with me and slowly begin to heal it all.  He doesn't judge or expect anything from me.  He loves to love me, and is relentlessly after my heart.  He's very jealous for it.  He wants me.  Yes - it's Jesus.  Over these past 15 days there have been times I've really let Him in.  I've learned more about His love (read Redeeming love!!!) for me, and like for me.  I've seen prayers answered. I've learned that He doesn't care about me being cool - well He actually wants it gone and has shown me in some really practical ways how to walk out of it.  For example, I wanted chacos for camp.  Oh my beloved chacos.  Nope!  Keens are for me, they fit like a glove and they don't look cool to me.  Let's see who cares?!  Not my father, or my earthly dad, or my mom, or my friends.  They like keens...haha.  Not that it entirely matters, but hey it was a big deal for me.  There are more little treasures that God has given me, but that's one example I think is good and funny to share.

My "Selah" time is almost over.  What I have learned is that I need to "selah" each day, and my heart needs it each moment of each day.  My heart needs fresh air, warm sun, comfy blankets and pillows and some discipline too.

In 4 days I go to camp.  Deep breath in, and as the oxygen deflates from my chest, I can feel a sense of peace.  It is surely not my own.

-Jamie  

One Week Away

For those of you who read my blog what I am about to share is not news to you, but please read on the same, because there is more to share.

This summer, starting one week from today (May 31st), I will be starting my job as a day camp coordinator at Trout Lake Camp in Pine River, MN.  Each week I will be driving a suburban with a trailer attached to it (I'm not joking) to a different part of Minnesota to put on a day camp at a church, with a set of counselors from Trout Lake from Monday to Thursday.  While we are there we will either stay at the church or a host family.  From Thursday to Sunday I will spend time at Trout Lake doing odd jobs and trying to get in time by the lake as much as I can while avoiding as many bugs as I can.  From what I know there are three coordinators and each of us will take different counselors with us each week for six weeks.  After that I will take the role as a counselor if that is a good fit or I will take on some other responsibility at Trout Lake.  I will be there until August 18th.  A week later I start my senior year of college!  Holy smokes.

Here is what I am excited about.  I am so excited to share truth with children.  I was talking with a family that I just love last night and sharing about what my summer will be like.  I haven't been able to put my passion into words until last night and this is what it is:  I am excited to be able to share the message with children that they are loved, they matter and they have purpose.  My prayer is that this message would be louder than any other messages in their life, and that it would not be my voice that is heard, but Jesus'.  Because of my past, I long for children to know this truth and be founded in it.  The truth of Jesus Christ.

Here is what I am anxious about.  Driving that suburban with the trailer connected to it.  And being away from home for 2.5 months.  Yes I have three years of college under my belt, but I also did that 1.5 hours away from home.  I believe the longest I have went being away from home is about a month and a half.  I can do this.  I believe by the time that I am done with the summer I will be a pro at driving and driving in the cities will be much easier.  (please Jesus!)

As I will be busy, and in many ways this whole experience is much like a mission trip I won't be able to have a lot of contact with others.  Yes I'm sure I will be able to text friends occasionally and make phone calls to my parents, but not like normal.  So this blog will hopefully be a place where I can share what is going on in these next 2.5 months.  I will have my phone with me, and it's a smart phone so I can blog on there!

I would absolutely love your prayer, because I do see this as a ministry.  I see this as a growing experience where I will be stretched in many ways.  I am incredibly excited to have this experience, and share the love of Christ with children.  Until then I plan to soak in this time I have at home with family and friends as much as I can.

He is so incredibly good and faithful,

-Jamie

The One Who Holds All Things Together

Transitions are hard for me.  I no longer live in south (the school apartments) and it makes me sad.  Not because of the building, but what the building held.  It held five girls who laughed together, cried together, prayed for each other, who had conflicts: some resolved, some never talked about.  Who shared clothes and stories, who took the shuttle and missed the shuttle.  We painted nails, watched hulu, made cake and ate cake.  We got our hair done and cleaned at 11:00 at night with frustration.  We pushed a roommate's car into a parking lot when it stopped working, ran in the snow and threw snow balls at boys we didn't know.  We made budgets, studied, went to counseling, and tried really hard to go to sleep early and work out...  

That room 37 really holds a lot for me.  It began friendships and fostered ones already started.  These girls taught me about Jesus; they taught me about grace and truth.  They really accepted me, and were there for me at my hardest and weakest moments.  

I miss them. I miss us.  I don't want it to be over, but it is and it makes me sad.  It doesn't end for them -- a building that holds a relationship.  It does for me, and I didn't choose that.  I have to believe God did.  I have to believe that instead of a building holding five girls together that God holds us together. 

 That's what  is so hard about transition for me.  The place that made me feel safe is gone and with it the people.  And now I am physically alone in a familiar medium.  I'm not at school, and I'm not at camp: I am in the middle.  Home isn't the same either.  That familiar and "comfortable" part of being home is gone.  

Please don't misunderstand. Oh my goodness I am so excited to see my church community.  I am excited to see my best friend who leaves for Korea in a few days.  I am really looking forward to sitting at Phoenix park with my journal and a book, with the sun beaming down on me.  I'm so thankful to be done with homework.  I am overjoyed at the fact that I am officially a senior in college!!!!  My father has blessed me more than I could ever imagine.  And this piece about my roommates that I shared above is a blessing.  It's me letting go of a season and, sharing with you something special that I share with my Father, and then clinging to truth. 

Here is where I really feel like I need some truth.  Something to reassure me that it's going to be okay.

"Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word" - Psalm 119:37

"Your word is a light to my feet and a light to my path" - Psalm 119:106

"Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise" - Psalm 119:76

"'For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed.' says the Lord who has compassion on you." - Isaiah 54:10

My father's love is the one thing that can't be taken from me - it won't change.

What I have realized, is that this is what He wants me to know.  That a building or a place was never supposed to hold a relationship.  You would think that I would have realized this, but I think it took living with four amazing woman and finding wonderful friendships from living together.  Then it was time to move out and say goodbye.  For me it is time to move on to the next season of life.  What I know today is that God holds my relationships and I get to trust Him.  


^" I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers,  that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him"
-Ephesians 1:16-17