I am sitting at Caribou Coffee on the last day of my fall break of my senior year, and I have realized it has hit me. Senior-itis. What is this you ask? Or maybe you are familiar with the lack of motivation, late nights because of procrastination, and a longing to do anything, but homework. I have had this lack of desire to do homework, because let's face it, most of the time homework is not that appealing to the average person. The benefit of what I would be learning from the homework out stood this lack of desire. I still see this benefit - in fact it is greater than any other year. But, the only thing I can think of as i sit on my stool, staring at my computer, is how great it would be to have a book in my hands that has absolutely nothing to do with education standards or a unique scientist from the past.
Don't misunderstand what I am saying - don't want to waste this year. This year is paramount for me. It is as if my footprints in my education are hardly visible compared to the inch deep ones I am making this year. This year matters in a whole different way. I am living off campus this year in a pied-à-terre that I have (it's actually just an apartment, but try to guess what movie that is from). I have a job as a hostess at a Mexican restaurant, and today I started my training to be a server. I have a car here now.
All of this change has shaken me up hard. It's brought me to emotions that scare me. One very important thing I've learned is that God sees my state of emotions and it isn't too much for Him. He knows my tendency to think I am responsible for taking care of my own emotions and here I am knee deep in emotions that I can't take care of. This is where He meets me. I am learning what the verse really means when it says cast ALL your cares on Him for He cares for you. There is a beauty and reality about that verse that I didn't understand before. The Lord is not shaken by my weakness. He loves me and holds me. I have been like this child scrunched up in a ball - my fists clenched tightly inward. And all of this time He has been holding me, waiting for me to take a deep breath out and release my grip so I can feel His embrace.
Senior-itis:
One could think that it is only paired with words like homework, education, and motivation. For me being a senior is the title of a deep, wonderful, and hard chapter of my life.
