"Glitter"

I grew up with my eyes trained to find value and worth in what has glittered in society. I did not have a Christ-centered idea of love given to me growing up, so what I saw was only skin deep. I learned that "I was not good enough if I looked 'this way' or said 'these things.'" No one had to say it, but certainly over the past 19 years I learned this way of sight. It is now at my 20th year of living that the creator of the universe is showing me that I have eyes that need healing and a heart that needs mending. Now when I was 17 God started to show me the brokenness that I was not even aware of in my life -- but it wasn't until college that my world was shaken. This has been a journey of becoming aware of my lack of understanding of grace and where that comes from [wounds] and then having the courage and endurance to look at my wounds and begin to heal from those things.

Right now I am taking time to really focus on my value. This means I am intentionally trying to change my pattern of thinking. I am seeing where I have placed my value, how I feel about my self, why I feel that way and asking Jesus what He finds valuable and thinking about those things. This is my heart and has been for a while. Recently my eyes were opened to the fact that I need new sight. What I have seen as valuable are the glittery things in our world, especially when it comes to people. Our world is full of a lot of seduction whether you are surrounded by Christians or not, whether it is obvious or hidden.

I have mad the choice that I do not want glitter. It is seduction -- it promises something that it cannot give and gives something that leads to destruction. Glitter catches one's eye. The interesting thing about glitter is that when it is in the form of make-up it is usually easy to put on your face but very hard to get off - it takes time, make-up remover, cotton balls and a lot of elbow grease. I know because we used a lot of it in Dance Team. Glitter also gets everywhere. Most of the time you are just trying to get it on one piece of your skin but before you know there are specs of it all over your close and body. That was not your intention, but that stuff spreads fast. While you are walking by others you end up rubbing this glitter onto them. It's messy.

All of this to say now I have a choice in my every day life. Do I want glitter or reality? And the truth is that my choices affect the ones that I love the most. My prayer is that Jesus would give me eyes to see the glitter and a deep desire to say no to it and yes to Him. I feel that desire deep inside of me already. The truth is that God has given me a true gift of sight and observation and the enemy wanted to mess that up. God is victorious always. This is definitely a journey, and one I am just starting. If you read this; I'm asking that you would just pray for me, because I know God has good things for me in this, but it's not easy.

There is this song by Fuel called Shimmer. It's about a girl and how she broke up with him and blah blah blah -- BUT there is this part of the song that keeps going through my head lately that says "And I have found that all that shimmers in this world is short to fade away." To me that encourages me. It shows me a different reality. I want to know God's reality. I want to find my value and worth from His unconditional love and then see others that way.

Thanks for listening
-Jamie