Things are changing. They always are, but this is...this is a lot different. Things are shifting -- in the deepest parts of who I am. I am realizing the FIGHT between my soul and my mind. I am seeing how crazy hungry I am for God that nothing, not music, a friend, writing, maybe not even the bible can fill this hunger. Give me God. Straight up. When I hear about things like prayer meetings, people's lives changing because of God, reaching out to friends that i haven't seen in a while, seeing my dad ...a part of me resists this, but underneath that it is everything I want. God's love is like a shower, a rain storm, where I find myself in the middle of a street unable to move, drenched and soaked with rain drops, my hands up in the air with a smile on my face saying I WANT MORE!...come on clouds i'm not done yet. JOY WILL COME <-- I believe what i just described to you is receiving a part of joy..oh geeze its like undescribeable but so unique and i'm not sure what it is. Sure i still get miffed about things but God calms the storm.
I have been quite the skeptic actually -- i don't think anyone would think that about me from the outside. I've done a good job at pretending...having it all together [which by the way i am SO done with that]. I've lived in all of the lies, they have blinded me from the truth..that's what lies do -- they tear apart one's heart until it seems any kind of surgery will not repair it. But GOD is more powerful. He redeems. What else can I say?
So this skeptic is going to take off her blinders and open her eyes to the beauty that is surrender, the beauty that is sacrifice, the beauty that is God. This is DEFINITELY a process. But...I have faith and that's new so right now I trust.
I thought Untitled would be a good title for this blog considering well my thoughts are gone...come on Jesus - take away my resistance, Here I am.
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