All My Crummy Apples

So I have come to the realization that the whole time i have been at northwestern I have brought some baggage along with me. Coming from my old church, i was shown such a good picture of God and community. But i realized that i was too rooted in my church and not rooted enough in God. Now i dont want to take away from the amazing things God did do through me being a part of that church, but it is what it is. Every where you go and everything you do is going to be flawed. That doesn't mean it can't be God honoring.
That brings me to the baggage that i brought a long with me. Because of the great community I had back home and my brokenness, I went into college thinking that i was this amazing christian that really knew a lot about life. haha...was i wrong or what?! I believe that God really wanted to show me how wrong i was. So basically i have had this mentality that I have to get life right, but in the bible it clearly states that i can't. I know that it says that I am made right by my faith, which is encouraging.
What really made me stand in awe is that anything i give God is good. Nothing i give him will be holy enough for him. And that's not discouraging, that just shows that God is perfect and I am not -- more humbling then anything. At church my pastor put it perfectly today - he said that when his friends daughter got him an apple from the apple orchard, it was half eaten by the time it got to him. Once getting it, he did not yell at his daughter, but fully enjoyed the apple and thanked her for it. God is like that -- he will take my "half eaten apples" and make them into something beautiful. So no more comparing, no more trying to "get it right". It is time to open my eyes to who God is...I need a new picture of God. I want God's love to go deep into my bones -- and honestly i don't think i'm gonna stop until i get there.
It's like i'm sitting in the air port with all these suit cases surrounding me, and instead of rolling them along side of me as i walk out to fly, i'm leaving them there and running to my destination.
I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this, but whoever is - i want this for you too. I crave for each person on this earth to KNOW this kind of love deep in their bones, to the point where they cannot contain it. they must act out this love, not in fear or performance but because they couldn't imagine living their lives for any other cause. MAN that get's me going and gosh i pray deep inside of me that that kinf of fire will ignite in every person on this earth.