We have a big world

This weekend I decided to go home for a few different reasons. The two weeks prior to coming home I was extremely busy. Everything that I could have on plate was put there -- I mean EVERYTHING. Going from class, to hall event, to group project, to a hall retreat, to duty for RAing, to another hall event to another class and to another group project and so on. To top all of that off we had Knuha Day last Thursday night and on the same night I decided that I am not going to be an RA next year. On that Friday I went home with a really good friend of mine. We took my boyfriends car and I drove home! For those of you that know me, you know that driving has been some what of a challenge for me. So this was a big accomplishment =). Throughout the weekend I got to spend a lot of time with my friend and It just encouraged me so much. Seeing how she has grown and how God is just molding her and changing her and giving her more hunger for Him inspires me. During this time at home I also gave blood for a part of my doctors appointment. Also once again this is a big thing for me because I am afraid of pain and especially pain in the form of a needle being stuck into my arm. Well it was fine AND i did it all by myself - no one went with me! I am proud! I guess there is just so much that I have going on in my life and so much I could write about.

The thing that inspired me to blog I think is a combination of my human relations class, diverse learners class, placements, future volunteer hours and hearing from other people's hearts. From all of these experiences I am seeing that this world is so much bigger than my little life. There are people hurting and I don't have the answers or ways to relate with them. As much as I want to say that I know what to say to those that have went through things I haven't - I just don't right now. I think I feel this realization that we have a big world. There is so much going on and as busy as I am I know that everything I am learning about is teaching me about the diversity of our big world. If you asked me 10 years ago that I'd be where I'm at I wouldn't think so. But I'm just really seeing that right now - that I am small, that I don't have the answers and that there are people that are hurting.

[this isn't to depress anyone, I think it's just to see the obviousness of our world and how there is greater purpose in our lives]

Today my Christian Theology professor quoted a verse in Isaiah 43:7 that talks about how we are created for God's glory and therefore we have purpose. What's running through my mind right now is what does that look like to live for God's glory? And it also gives me a lot of hope - that we have purpose, that we were not mistakes but purposefully created.

Yeah - those are my thoughts.

Healing Begins

So last night was Knuha day - for those of you who don't know what it is i don't feel like explaining it right now but basically in part of it each hall makes up a dance and performs it...this has been a crazy time in my hall because we have been so busy working on the dance and just with life!

BUT we won!! woohoo no but really i am so proud of my hall..i love those girls. I'm glad its over because i am tired. But i just love dancing..i can express my heart in a way that is inexpressible otherwise. okay that is all for now.

back to my busy life

A great Saturday!

So, I haven't really been blogging because honestly it's not the healthiest thing for me to look at everyone else's blogs with where I am at in my life; the benefits do not out way the torment that starts to spin...

BUT, since I no longer have a facebook I just really wanted to share my Saturday because it was great..haha.

Okay so Clark and I have officially been dating for 6 MONTHS. That is crazy! Let me tell you it has been an adventure. When I said yes to dating him I did not think that it would be so...life changing? Yeah I think that is what it has been. There is this verse in Psalm 33 [my new favorite bible verse] that says something like God frustrates the people's plans. And all I can say is that I think that is what Jesus has been doing in my life and it's not bad. but growing up out of my brokenness I had my idea of "more and better life." I think that it made God really sad because my picture of "more and better life" is actually destruction. This is true. But I think that I get to choose to see that God is SO faithful that He decided to frustrate my plans.

So Saturday was our 6 month and I told Clark that he got to pick what we got to do. Which was me letting go of control and expectations. Not very easy. We ended up going to this iceskating place at centennial park in Edina,MN. Which is SO pretty. The skating rink is just a frozen lake but it is a really long lake and has walking bridges over it. And when it gets darker there are Christmas lights on the trees. There is also an inside room with a fire place and hot chocolate. FUN! It was great. And then we went to Loring Pasta Bar. Woah baby it was fancy. I got this chicken ravioli and it was yummy and fancy..haha. And Clark got tortellini. Yum yum. They had a live band there and this yummy bread with this fancy butter. It was sweet. After that we were just going to go back to his car but we found this book store that is two levels. In there are all these old books; like really big German bibles and this book that Martin Luther wrote that has latches on it! Okay...I don't know why but I just think that is so cool. Just seeing bits of history makes it come alive. And I think that I could probably just look at the books forever. I'm kind of a book lover. Call me a nerd...it's okay.

Well, that was my Saturday. Life is still hard, looking back it's so much easier to see God's hand than in the moment but today has been good. Today's been good! okay just had to say that twice. I am once again doing my placements for education at a hmong school. I'm still doing the education program and I don't really think I will switch unless God makes another path really clear. I have some really amazing education teachers that have a HUGE heart for teaching, which makes it exciting. I think though I have too much going on, I'm REALLY busy. I applied to be an RA next year but we will see what happens. I've thought about working in the campus ministries office in our school so that i can help out more with chapel..It sounds like something I would like. Our school is building a new building and we are getting new meal plans. Haha that is kinda fun but i don't know if everyone likes it. Um also they might change the time for chapel - that'd be wierd. I have the hiccups...

Okay you are updated with my life in all that ways that I'd care to share.

adios

Maybe I should update this thing huh?

hmm well i'm not sure if anyone reads this BUT; Here I am - I'm a sophomore in college!!!! woah! that is crazy. Right now Life is very different then it was a year ago. I am an RA at Northwestern College in St. Paul, I'm taking a buttload of hard classes, observing a special education classroom at a hmong school, have a boy friend [by Gods lead i believe], and am trying to sink in and enjoy life. I really don't know what God is doing but i know he is blessing me. I know that he is pulling out icky things in my heart, bringing up wounds to be healed, constantly putting people into my life, books, and sermons to remind me of his love and grace. Things are not easy,and i'm realizing that i dont make them any easier. This year though I believe God is going to do a lot of healing. I also believe that he is going to do great things in my hall [green hall;knuha]. I think it's such a year of surrendering my plans, so that he can do his thing. And just embracing the rich reality he has placed in my lap.

...I think it's just good to write it down to realize the truth of what is really going on. I know I have a long way to go, but it's gonna be okay.

See the way

I was having lunch with some friends yesterday and one of my friends said something that is i think i am finding to be so true. She said that the more we keep on this course of following God it seems that we have to go back to the simple things.

Some things that I think I am understanding more [inch by inch] are God's grace and knowing that this life is ALL about one relationship; the one relationship being with Christ and Me, Christ and you, etc. It is the one thing that has so much opposition. But I know that it is what we all were created for!

As this year has progressed I look back, even to this past week and find that God has been passionately pursuing me. Seriously God has been pursuing me so much...it's crazy. But it is an obvious reminder that I seek God not with "the door closed" but with Him knocking at my door. He is always knocking and finding the most beautiful ways of doing so.

And yet because of my sin, and sinful habits I so easily become blinded to his wooing me. I don't take time to let his pursuing me sink in because I am moving so fast. Mostly because I view my relationship/life with God as if I am knocking on his door and maybe if I knock hard enough he will let me in. Oh no no no, this is not the case.

Something another one of my friends told me is that because Jesus is the author and perfecter of her faith even before she had her faith there is not a lot to worry about...I like that way of looking at it. In that I am being reminded that it is not what I do that gets me where God wants me. He is doing it all. He slowly asks me to come. [Matthew 11:28-30]

My hope and prayer is that I would understand my deep need and desire for God. I know he is going to show me. He is faithful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDARLX6P8ZI

Oh and by the way - I only have 4 weeks left of my first year of college...holy crap! It's funny because over the past two or three weeks i have been asked how i feel about the year almost being done and my answer is relieved! For some reason I celebrate that answer...maybe because it is honest...hmm i don't know but I am. One thing i do know - every day I have been at NWC is an adventure and I know that these next four weeks won't be any different. I want to be open to whatever God wants to do in the next month.

-Jamie

40 days...or maybe less...

So I had been fasting media [kinda] until easter and now it's easter so i would say its a good day to blog.

Hmm... So i guess This past month or so has been very..eye opening. God has been ridding me of a whole lot and it is not easy. BUT God has also been showing me HIS reality and HIS grace =). I think i am starting to understand it. Well thats all i can really share. May we all learn to live in the fear of our savior - he has truly paid an awesome sacrifice and we get to live in His power - lets choose to believe!
amen?

NEWS..

I'm going to be an RA next year =) yay!