Update

It's been a month of school so far and can I just tell you it has been a whirl wind! On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I have classes: Art methods from 10:00-11:05 then Reading Methods on Mondays, Language Arts Methods on Wednesdays and Children's Lit on Fridays from 11:20-3:00. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am at an elementary school in a third grade classroom. So far I have taught two reading lessons! I'm doing it!!!!!! After I taught my first lesson I felt such a sense of accomplishment. Oh and I also have a night class on Tuesdays from 6:00-9:30. Where does my social life fit in? I don't know...can you find it for me?

School School school, Oh School. My life is full of it. And even though sometimes it is very stressful, it's good and I consider it a blessing. I consider this time very sacred. Our Father has given me this heart for children and I see it growing. I am not absolutely sure where I will go with it, but I am waiting on Him. I love seeing Him giving me love for others -- it's exciting.

Beyond that my life is messy -- did you know that it's okay to be messy? It's okay to be in process and accept the grace our Father lavishes on us (you and me) in the process. Learning to be messy and be in process is not easy. I believe it's really important. I put this link on my last entry for a song called "Now you're found" but I'd like to share the lyrics:

If you're lost in a heartache on your own, ohhh
And if you're caught in a mistake and all alone, oh
If your soul is searching out
And your whole world's turned around, ohhh
If your faith is burning out
And love leaves you in doubt
And you know there's something more

Come to me now, lay your burdens down
Come rest in my arms
Feel my love abound
Come to me now, lay your burdens down
Come rest in my arms
You were lost, now you're found

When you're feeling forgotten on your own
When your soul is searching out
And your whole world's turned around
If your faith is burning out
And love leaves you in doubt
And you know there's something more

Come to me now, lay your burdens down
Come rest in my arms
Feel my love abound
Come to me now, lay your burdens down
Come rest in my arms
You were lost, now you're found

Come as you are, just as you are
I'll give you peace

Come to me now, lay your burdens down
Come rest in my arms
Feel my love abound
Come to me now, lay your burdens down
Come rest in my arms
You were lost, but now you're found

Ohhh
Now you're found
Ohhh
Now you're found
Ohhh
Now you're found
Ohhh

Come to me

Found this in a devotion

Repentance

And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! - Luke 15:17

The story of the Prodigal Son describes us all, as children of God. We are all unfaithful children of our benevolent heavenly Father. We all have squandered the abundant inheritance He so graciously has bequeathed to us. And we all-at one time or another-have known what it is to finally "come to ourselves".

Sin is insanity. It is an unreasoning, illogical, self-destructive way of life. It ignores the plain hand of our heavenly Father, full of every provision we need, and follows after the hallucination of worldly pleasures and fulfillment.

But when we finally come to ourselves, we realize that starving out in the pigpen is not what our Father planned for us. We are the King's children! No one in His house is hungry or wanting, and yet here we are in the mud pit of sin because we forsook the house of our Father. When we finally come to ourselves, we finally come back to Him. We forsake the miserable quest for self-gratification and begin to seek the abundant life that is found in God alone.

Have you come to yourself yet? Have you turned your feet back to your Father? If so, know that there is always a warm welcome for those who come to God by His Son Jesus Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSsOLcFuvf8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Things I've Learned in 2011

It is crazy how fast a year can go by and how much can change in that one year. For my own benefit and hopefully for anyone that reads this I'm going to try and reflect on what I have learned in this past year...

1. Feelings are not good or bad they are just real
2. It's okay to not be okay
3. It's okay to fail, and there is much to be learned through our failures
4. Living life to the fullest means being in the present moment
5. Living in the present moment is experiencing His presence
6. My wounds go sooooo much deeper than I could ever imagine
7. God is in control and pretty much does what He wants...I don't have to worry
8. I don't have to understand why God is doing what He is doing, I just get to say "yes"
9. God never takes us backwards in our journey, He always gives us "more" and it is always good...that doesn't mean it has to feel good
10. I love to be crafty and it is a gift to others around me... didn't know that about myself
11. I am VERY selfish, but God is changing that...woohoo!!!
12. I'm not cool...never was and that is really okay
13. God's grace and love are seriously important and need to be my foundation
14. Special Education is messy: there are so many threats to its existence and dignity. Even though this is true there are those out there that God has called to be a voice for the voiceless
15. People are beautiful, because God created them and He sees SO much more than we could ever see. Lord give us YOUR eyes.
16. Deal with the junk in your life, otherwise it will permeate everything you do and say and are a part of.
17. Say yes to God even when it hurts, He knows best.
18. I like healthy food
19. I'm allergic to most dairy products
20. I love A Capella singing groups (sing off..what?!)
21. I love detective shows (Psych, Castle...ya know)
22. I like to knit
23. There is so much about myself that I have yet to learn...

As I enter this New Year, I believe that Papa has New Life for me. I believe this will involve letting go of a lot and it's going to be painful, but I know the end will result in joy and freedom. I look forward to that. I also See this next year as a season of learning how to be a teacher, considering I am entering those classes in my education. WOW...kinda crazy that I am already there. I'm learning how to do something that I am passionate about and may do for the rest of my life? That sure sounds like an adult to me.

Well 2011,
I know I will never forget about you. This past year has changed me in ways that I would have never imagined. 2012, I can't believe you are literally hours away, but with that said I look forward to this new beginning.

Happy New Year everyone,
Jamie

Tis Better To Bequeath Than Receive

One of my pastors made up this phrase, and many of my friends now know that it is my favorite thing to say these days. As funny as this phrase is I would say it definitely was the theme of my Christmas. For all of those who don't know what Bequeath means dictionary.com tells us that it is to "hand down, pass on," and its synonyms are "will, impart, leave, bestow, grant, consign." And in modern English this phrase simply means "It is better to give than receive." Bequeath is so much better, don't you agree?

This year my Christmas was filled with giving rather than receiving. What was so amazing about this is that my soul received such rich blessings in the process. I think that is how it works -- that is why it is better.

On Christmas Eve Day, I had the privilege of singing in a choir at my church for all three services. I got to sing a long side some of my dearest friends. It was seriously so much fun and brought a lot of life into my heart. Singing praises to our God and being able to look out at my community knowing that I am singing with them -- it was so beautiful. That day Christmas was alive to me. I also got to hear the message three times... now maybe that seems like "oh my goodness, get me out of here," to some, but for me it was so awesome! Each time I got something new out of the message -- and my adoration for Jesus grew.

There were other ways that I had the opportunity to Bequeath...and they were equally wonderful. It is kind of a tradition for our family to go to the community table Christmas morning and serve those that come in for breakfast. This tradition is newer, but I am so glad to have done it. I hope to visit there more often -- once again it brought rich blessings into my life. I was also reminded of my love for children as I helped a mother and her children get breakfast, and that makes me excited for this next semester where I will be in the classroom again :).

That is just a snapshot of my Christmas, and I think I am writing this more for myself for not all my days are filled with ease and joy. It is good to be reminded of these times as I trudge through the mud of harder days.

One quote that has also stuck out to me this Christmas season is "He Knows our need, our weakness is no stranger." Happy Birthday Jesus, thank you for all that you are.

-Jamie

All I Have to Give

Create in me a clean heart, a clean heart
For I have turned my face from You
Teach us of Your ways oh God, oh God
For we have turned away from You
Lord have mercy

We will run to you, we will run to you
Turning from our sin we return to You
Father heal your world, make all things new
Make all things new

Your love and mercy build and shape us
Break us and recreate us now
Lord have mercy

Oh, bring us back to you

-- Gungor

There's a love, forgetting my failures.
There's a hope, that's setting me free.
There's a light, defeating my darkness.

And there's redemption calling,
And causing all to sing

[Chorus]
Father will You come and open up our eyes.
Fill us with Your love, renew us with Your life.
Consume us with Your Majesty, consume of with your majesty
Yeah...


There's a peace, that's calming my waters.
There's a joy, that's setting me free.
He's the light defeating my darkness.

And there's redemption calling,
And causing all to sing

--Unhindered

All I have to offer God are my filthy rags and my broken heart and He offers me complete forgiveness. He offers me Jesus. Seriously like that is what we have to offer God -- our Good deeds don't impress Him, those are just sacrifices. I am finally coming to the realization that He can do something with a broken heart, a sinful person. He offers grace, love, forgiveness. He offers His Son once and for all. This is the only way I could ever know how to love Him back. He does it all. I'm just learning this in some painful ways. God is so good though...He really is. He's so good. Hmmm

It's the little things

I read my bible today...and I enjoyed it!

It is amazing to think that I get to touch, see, and take in the Holy word of God.

I also had a chai latte,

talked with a good friend/mentor from NWC,

sent out a package,

went to H&M with one of my roomies and got $10 jeans,

did homework,

had a yummy sandwich from the cafe express, and

had some kashi cereal, with blueberries and almond milk (I'm allergic to dairy :-( )

I would say the first one is the best (reading my bible)...but I mean chai lattes..they're pretty good too. Just Kidding, Jesus is a lot better than chai lattes.

Chai lattes are pretty good though...but they gave it to me in a cup that is for warm drinks...it is just not the same people, so I stuck my straw through the opening - you can't drink an iced chai without a straw.

Truth

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

-Philippians 4:8

This semester I am taking three bible classes, and that makes me happy. The LORD is giving me a hunger for His word and it makes me very excited. PRAISE HIM. I am taking a class called Christian Thought, where we are learning about using our minds, and how beneficial and vital this is to our walk as believers. We are reading a book called Love the Lord Your God With All Your Mind. In this book Moreland talks about training our minds and how our generation does not value this: otherwise known as Anti-Intellectualism. This class is really humbling for me, because for most of my life I have done the work in school to get the grade rather than to learn. And reminding me that in order for me to fight the lies I must train my mind because I am transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans). I know because I am such an emotional person I need to have truth rooted in me, so that even when my emotions change my anchor is set. I am very blessed to go to Northwestern where I can discover what truth is. Sometimes it is hard, because it is school work and that for me becomes a chore. But, when I am living in the present moment and seeing how awesome it is to be studying the bible, asking the hard questions, and being challenged in my beliefs by my professors I see this school work as a great joy.

It seems that each of my semesters has had a theme to it based on the classes I have or am taking. I would call last semester "A cultural awakening of passion," because all of my classes were helping me find out what I was passionate about in education and I saw my heart for children of culture. So far this semester I see a theme of "Filling my mind with what is true." I am so sensitive to what I see and hear. In my past I watched so much television and I was subjected to media more than I ever would have wanted to in hindsight. Now I believe this is a season of renewing my mind and filling my thoughts and eyes with things that are good, pure and lovely.

I'm interested to see what Papa has for me, and I deeply desire to obey Him for He is good and very gracious. This is what I see so far in one little nugget of my life. My fellow bloggers...there is just too much to write about. I hope this post has made you think and encouraged you -- fix your thoughts on what is true, that is what I'm going to try to do!

-Jamie