On Feeling Anxious.

*This post is new for me, because I'm expressing a side of myself I normally don't blog about.  It's also new, because I'm testing out an idea I have for a new blog...with that in mind let me know what you think please!*

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

I've had a really hard week so far for a number of reasons.  I've been in between home (Eau Claire) and the Cities for the past two weeks, because I recently began nannying part-time.  The family that I nanny for needed me before I move into my apartment and I thought it would be a wise decision to meet them halfway by nannying for these past two weeks.  This was the second week of that, and I have to be honest in saying that it was hard.  The actual nannying part wasn't really.  What has been difficult has been everything that I've been feeling and thinking about, as well as struggling to fall asleep (I really hate not being able to fall asleep...I'm not the only one right???).

I have anxiety and I have to fight to live in the peace Christ gives me everyday.  Transitions trigger anxious feelings and thoughts for me.  I am in a transition right now.  I've graduated college (wooh!) and now I'm on to the next season of my life: workin' woman!  Thinking about what lies ahead has triggered anxious thought after anxious feeling after anxious thought.

Well, anyway, today has been a huge blessing.  My desperation and Jesus' faithfulness intersected like always and I think it's important for me to proclaim the truth.

Here's what is true about this next season:

Even though this new season is unfamiliar God's love IS familiar.  Whenever something feels unfamiliar I can hold on tighter to His unconditional love that I don't deserve, but I fully get to accept and enjoy.  His love is my comfort and my home.  I can rest in His love.

I DON'T need to worry about tomorrow: how it's going to look, how it's going to feel, what's going to happen...NOPE, it's all in His hands.  Once again I can rest in His love for me.  I love this verse that comes before the final "therefore, do not worry...":

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  - Matthew 6: 25-27

Reading this passage in Matthew calms my heart.  It reminds me that if God takes care of the birds who don't work for their food or think about how they need to get it...they just know it will be there when they need it...how much more does He care for me?  How much more will He be taking care of me?

And then it hits me.  I think back on my four years at Northwestern.  I was so scared to enter that season of my life.  But, then I look back at ALL God did and it was all worth it: the good, bad and hard times.  I grew so much.  God moved mountains in my life, so that I could be closer to Him!  And I look back and I think "God you knew when I was scared of going to college that it was going to be worth it."  You knew that I would walk away from that place a different person: changed because of you.  And if that is all true, then I can walk into this next season saying, "God, what do you have for me next?!  I have absolutely no idea what you plan to do, but I have full confidence that it is going to be really good."  He remains faithful.

This isn't the first time I have worried about the future, scrunching into a little ball with my head down. When times like these come I need something tangible to remind me of the truth.

I have this picture frame with the verse, Matthew 6:34 in it.  When I student taught I bought the frame from a thrift store and printed out the picture from Pinterest (you should be able to find the picture from that link).

My purpose in making this was to have a reminder as I full-time taught that I simply did not need to worry about tomorrow.  The frame also made me feel like the classroom was mine.  It was cute and decorative, like other pieces I saw in the teachers' rooms I had been in.

Today I was reminded of this verse and I immediately thought, "I need to remember that!  How can I post it somewhere?!"  Then, I remembered that I had already put the frame and picture together and I could put it up in my new apartment.  Perfect!

Is there something in your life that triggers anxiety?  Maybe you need to be reminded of the truth about the situation.  One fun and life-giving way of doing that is finding a bible verse that encourages you and making it cute with a frame or something else.  That way it's a part of your home/office/etc decor and it's also functional!

Rest & Be Blessed,

Jamie

To Be or Not To Be

Lately I have been experiencing the quality of life that I can have by being in the moment.  For the past two weeks that I have been home I have been resting, at the same time taking time to study for the MTLE.  There have been fragments of my days when I've been able to BE in the moment, but as much as I have rested I have not chosen to be.  I am very grateful to my Father for His gentle reminders to BE in the moment.

There is a difference between just "going through the motions" and truly being in the moment.  I've found that television is one of the greatest thieves of taking me out of the moment.  I'm not saying that television is bad -- in fact I really enjoy it.  Here's what I am saying: BEING in the moment is so much better.  

Sitting on a bench, eating more ice cream than our stomachs can hold

Making a beautiful salad

watching a sunset

walking through a park as locals show off their artistic ability through chalk

seeing my best friend get married

I find that my heart is much more grateful to God for who He is, because I'm actually LIVING.

What does it look like for you to truly LIVE?  To be in the moment?  Do you need to jump into some ice cold water just to know that you can feel something?  Maybe you need to go for a run and take every tree, every cloud, every shadow in.  You might just need to get some ice cream with your mom...Well whatever it looks like to experience all that God has given us, do it!  

-Jamie

You Could Be the One.

In a conversation with a friend about what it is that he is passionate about, I asked him how he became passionate about that one thing.  He loves to learn.  Why?  Early on in elementary school one of his teachers told him he was smart.

I am in awe that one person can make such an impact on another.  I’m not shocked, because I’ve heard the saying mentioned in different words many times.  “It only takes one person…”  It usually starts like that.  Over time I have found the saying trustworthy and quite important. 

One person can affect individuals both in positive and negative ways.  I’ve experienced both, sometimes by the same individual.  What I find to be even more awe-inspiring is that one person can ignite passion and vision in another.  When my friend was told that he was smart his passion for learning was ignited. 

His telling me that one significant piece of information made me curious about my own passions.  Rather, it reminded me of why I decided to go into elementary education.  It was that one person that ignited my passion. 

My passion for teaching was ignited in the most unpredictable of ways.  I was a senior in high school, and ready to soak all of my senior year up.  Two study halls, independent art, pre-calc., (I love math), work study, design class, and leadership mentoring.  The ultimate “senior slacker” year.  Mmhmm. 

Everything was going pretty well, and then in my leadership mentoring class they needed someone to help in the special education classroom.  Lets rewind a bit.  Leadership mentoring is a class that connects seniors and 7^th graders in the same school.  For an hour the seniors spend time with the 7^th graders during their study hall.  They help them with homework and talk with them about life.  It was supposed to be another slacker class.  Hang out with some middle school students then go to lunch.  I didn’t expect to help out in the special education classroom.  I didn’t expect Seth.

During my time in that classroom I met one 7^th grade boy with Down Syndrome.  I was told to work with him, help him with classroom projects, spend time with him basically.  He changed me.  When he said my name my heart smiled.  Whenever he accomplished something, small or big, we celebrated the victory together.  Through my experience with Seth my passion for teaching was ignited.

This past year Seth passed away.  I am so blessed to have known him and to have walked life with him for a year.  I wonder if he knows that God used him to show me my passion for teaching.  I wonder how many others have been impacted by Seth the way I was.  I wonder if Seth knows the joy he brought to people’s lives. 

When I heard that he had passed away I was heart-broken.  But looking back I am glad that I was heart-broken.  It showed that he had made a lasting impact on my life.  He was that one person for me.  I had the privilege of knowing him.  I was truly blessed by God through Seth.   

I am in awe of the way God can use others to breath life into us.   So who was it or is it for you?  Maybe it’s not a person.  Maybe it was something that happened and after that you were changed for the better, for God’s Kingdom.  Whatever it was or who it was take a moment to remember.  For, you may not know it, but God is using you to ignite passion in those around you.  It only takes one person.

Kingdom Living

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

- Matthew 16:24-25

For the past week I have began listening to The Solid Rock Church  podcasts on the gospel of Mark.  The pastor, John Mark Comer, has an excellent way of preaching and I have really enjoyed listening to the messages.  So far each message has challenged me to think about my faith more seriously than before.

Questions like "who am I making king in my life?" and "what is my exodus?" have truly challenged me to reevaluate my focus.  I've been home for about a week and listening to these podcasts has been life giving, not discouraging.

All of this triggers the question, "who's kingdom am I living for?". In other words, "who am I serving?" I believe the kingdom of God is seen when God's people focus on Him and through that healing happens.  How am I serving God in my finances?  How am I serving God in my relationships?  This way of looking at the things of life shines the light on loving Him, because of His acceptance of me rather than trying to earn acceptance by being and doing things perfectly and avoiding making any mistakes.

I am no expert, and I never will be.  God's grace is sufficient for me.  Sufficient for you.  For all.  It is by His grace that I'm able to look up (at him) and out (at his people).

My Bad...

I am not good at this.  Keeping up with my blog.  Even so I'd still like to share a bit about these past 2.5 weeks!

Week 2:
I was in Mankato with three lovely ladies.  Mankato is beautiful if you've never been.  The southern part of Minnesota has many hills and is very nice to drive through!  The church we were at served many kids from the church, but they also served a number of kids who live in apartments right by their building.  These kids don't have as much money and usually they walked to day camps.  It was a crazy week at day camps, but it was also really fun.  I enjoyed getting to know these kids, and as crazy as it was, it was still so good!  There were many kids that I could tell really grew from day camps and had so much fun.  Our host families were awesome too.  I love staying with families that have kids.  It was a joy to just hang out with their kids and get to know their family.

Week 3:
I was in Iowa again.  This time I had the opportunity to go back to Coraville where I was last summer.  We stayed with the same family as last year, and it was so nice to connect with them again.  I have become quite attached to Iowa - especially Iowa City & Coraville.  There are many aspects about the area that I love and there is so much to be "done" for the kingdom of God there.  I don't know what my next few years look like, but if living in Iowa is a part of that I would be down.  It was a treat to see many of the same kids from last year at day camps and continue to build relationships with them.  It was so cool to see the impact we made last year and how that carried over to this year.  I also had many moments of joy with these kids.  It was so fun to play games with them and be silly.  The best part is that I knew I was brightening their day, just be hanging out with them!  I also had the awesome opportunity to play in a random drum circle in downtown Iowa City on our night out!  It was such an amazing experience.  To conclude Iowa was amazing!

Week 4:
This has been my best week yet I believe.  I am in Forest Lake with another coordinator and two counselors.  Most of our campers have been exposed to the gospel and know a lot about Jesus.  Nevertheless it has been sweet to challenge them to dig deeper and live out their faith in Jesus.  It also has been a ton of fun to sing songs with these kids!  They love the songs and every day (especially at the end of the day) we've been having so much fun dancing and singing for Jesus.  It seems like the kids are really present at camp and excited.  Every week of day camps that has been the case, but maybe I'm just more present with them as the weeks go by.

As far as my life outside of Trout Lake Camps goes there are just a few things happening.  My best friend gets married in 18 days!!!  And, Praise the Lord, I got to see her on Monday :).  Love that woman.  I take my licensure exam (again...) on August 10th, so I am attempting to study for that bad boy.  Job hunting is kind of existent, but very hard to do when I am working at camp.  Prayers for that would be fabulous.

This summer I have been learning about my need to apologize after I feel I may have hurt someone just by being me.  I've been called out on it numerous times.  Being aware of my habit is eye opening and has challenged me to check myself before I say sorry.  I am not responsible for other people's emotions, therefore I need not say sorry for fear that they would be upset with me and reject me.  It's true that they could be upset with me and that is perfectly okay.  What I am trying to hold on to is that I am accepted by God and that's enough.  There's more that I'm learning from God about how I operate, especially with others.  For now that is the only thing that seems significant enough to share.

This was good.  The whole blogging thing.

Until next time,

Jamie

Week 1/Trip 1

This week I traveled with two other coordinators and one counselor.  We ended up in Iowa so that meant a 7.5 hour drive without traffic.  I have to say that it was completely worth it.  The moment we entered the church I was reminded of why I love Iowa -- It is the people.  I'm sorry, but the silos and fields of corn aren't at the top of my list.  This city (Iowa City) is in great need of the truth of Jesus Christ.  They need to know what is true based off of what the bible says.  And these kids come from all different kinds of socioeconomic backgrounds.  Iowa City has a good amount of poverty.  It was pretty clear to me and my staff that many of these kids don't know the fundamental truths about God - he loves us and will never leave us.  God has been bringing that simple message back to us counselors/coordinators each day and we have seen the campers begin to retain those truths.  I know it all starts from there.  The gospel is all about God's love and I am overjoyed that we have the opportunity to share that with these campers in Iowa City.  It has been very fun to stay with our host family of six as well!  The husband and wife have four kids who all are cute as can be!  It's been fun to hang out with them, go on walks through the neighborhood, and finally have them warm up to you ;).  The most significant thing that I am taking away from this trip is being able to incorporate my teaching skills into children's ministry.  I am seeing more how God has wired me, and how that can serve the kids I encounter.  It is so sweet to finally see a group of kids understand a simple, yet very important truth.  That's what has marked my week.

Some other fun things that have happened this week are that us counselors went to Chick fil-a (some for the first time) and enjoyed it!  We also found out that Josie (counselor) loves soap...like loves soap.  We had some fun downtown Iowa City and the only store that was open after 7pm was Soap Opera -- Josie was in heaven.  It's been really fun getting to know my staff members more and doing what we love together.

It looks like God has a lot in store for this summer!

-Jamie

p.s.--
The city of Iowa is filled with advertisement for the Hawkeyes so in honor of Iowa this is the picture I choose to share!

gold and black baby.

Keep Calm AND Camp On

Hello Friends,
Tomorrow I embark on yet another adventure.  One that is familiar to me, but still I sit with a mix of anticipation, anxiety, sadness, excitement, etc.  I love home like nobody's business - I especially have appreciated home in the past week or so, because of the finality of this season that I am in.  I am a graduate of Northwestern College (soon to be The University of Northwestern - St. Paul).  I have a degree in Elementary Education, a minor in bible and an emphasis in special education.  Of course going off to college meant leaving the season of being a kid to a certain extent, but for most of us there was still some "kid like moments" we have been able to experience.  Care packages, long breaks home, parents paying for gas, groceries once in a while and other things we just forgot we needed.
In April I began to think about this season of college being done.  To be a bit more honest I began to feel all that there is to feel about graduating.  Mostly, I realized that graduating college means that I am OFFICIALLY an adult. Being at home for a while - I wanted to soak it all up.  But there is much of me that wanted to hold on to the actual place of home, because home symbolizes being a kid.  The truth is that I am no longer a kid.  A wise woman once said, "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22," and I couldn't agree with her more.  22 definitely means adulthood.  Graduating and being home brought this feeling of finality.
And now, I have left home again.  This time with the feeling of unknown for what happens after camp, and a longing to have more of home.  Nevertheless I have a peace about going back to a place that brings me so much peace.  While I'm at camp I will need to look for jobs, apply for jobs, maybe interview at schools if possible.  And all of that has produced some anxiety.
The more I look at that poster "Keep Calm and Camp On." the more I believe that's so true. I am going to keep calm: trust God with my future, trust him that he is my stability, my home, my father and camp on: serve others, take in the beautiful landscape of camp, invest in relationship and simply BE in the present where He has so generously placed me.

Like last summer I would love to write a little about each church we go to.  These opportunities we get to experience are filled with such rich blessings and I don't think it would be fair to keep them to myself.  If you're interested in keeping track of my journey I will try my best to be faithful in writing a post about each church we attend.

Please be praying for the churches, host families, campers, and counselors.  That we would have good communication between churches.  That we would be so grateful to the host families and show them Jesus and experience who Jesus is to them.  That the campers would come to know Jesus Christ as their Savior and that he counselors would be strengthened to serve the campers in every situation: only through the strength of Jesus Christ.

He IS our example of servent leadership.

Keep Calm and Camp On,
Jamie