hmm well i'm not sure if anyone reads this BUT; Here I am - I'm a sophomore in college!!!! woah! that is crazy. Right now Life is very different then it was a year ago. I am an RA at Northwestern College in St. Paul, I'm taking a buttload of hard classes, observing a special education classroom at a hmong school, have a boy friend [by Gods lead i believe], and am trying to sink in and enjoy life. I really don't know what God is doing but i know he is blessing me. I know that he is pulling out icky things in my heart, bringing up wounds to be healed, constantly putting people into my life, books, and sermons to remind me of his love and grace. Things are not easy,and i'm realizing that i dont make them any easier. This year though I believe God is going to do a lot of healing. I also believe that he is going to do great things in my hall [green hall;knuha]. I think it's such a year of surrendering my plans, so that he can do his thing. And just embracing the rich reality he has placed in my lap.
...I think it's just good to write it down to realize the truth of what is really going on. I know I have a long way to go, but it's gonna be okay.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
See the way
I was having lunch with some friends yesterday and one of my friends said something that is i think i am finding to be so true. She said that the more we keep on this course of following God it seems that we have to go back to the simple things.
Some things that I think I am understanding more [inch by inch] are God's grace and knowing that this life is ALL about one relationship; the one relationship being with Christ and Me, Christ and you, etc. It is the one thing that has so much opposition. But I know that it is what we all were created for!
As this year has progressed I look back, even to this past week and find that God has been passionately pursuing me. Seriously God has been pursuing me so much...it's crazy. But it is an obvious reminder that I seek God not with "the door closed" but with Him knocking at my door. He is always knocking and finding the most beautiful ways of doing so.
And yet because of my sin, and sinful habits I so easily become blinded to his wooing me. I don't take time to let his pursuing me sink in because I am moving so fast. Mostly because I view my relationship/life with God as if I am knocking on his door and maybe if I knock hard enough he will let me in. Oh no no no, this is not the case.
Something another one of my friends told me is that because Jesus is the author and perfecter of her faith even before she had her faith there is not a lot to worry about...I like that way of looking at it. In that I am being reminded that it is not what I do that gets me where God wants me. He is doing it all. He slowly asks me to come. [Matthew 11:28-30]
My hope and prayer is that I would understand my deep need and desire for God. I know he is going to show me. He is faithful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDARLX6P8ZI
Oh and by the way - I only have 4 weeks left of my first year of college...holy crap! It's funny because over the past two or three weeks i have been asked how i feel about the year almost being done and my answer is relieved! For some reason I celebrate that answer...maybe because it is honest...hmm i don't know but I am. One thing i do know - every day I have been at NWC is an adventure and I know that these next four weeks won't be any different. I want to be open to whatever God wants to do in the next month.
-Jamie
Sunday, April 4, 2010
40 days...or maybe less...
So I had been fasting media [kinda] until easter and now it's easter so i would say its a good day to blog.
Hmm... So i guess This past month or so has been very..eye opening. God has been ridding me of a whole lot and it is not easy. BUT God has also been showing me HIS reality and HIS grace =). I think i am starting to understand it. Well thats all i can really share. May we all learn to live in the fear of our savior - he has truly paid an awesome sacrifice and we get to live in His power - lets choose to believe!
amen?
Hmm... So i guess This past month or so has been very..eye opening. God has been ridding me of a whole lot and it is not easy. BUT God has also been showing me HIS reality and HIS grace =). I think i am starting to understand it. Well thats all i can really share. May we all learn to live in the fear of our savior - he has truly paid an awesome sacrifice and we get to live in His power - lets choose to believe!
amen?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
My Motto for life right now!
More like falling in love by Jason Gray
Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be
CHORUS
...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
This Is Me.
*WARNING* This blog might be long, contain a side of me that's real, and it might get messy -- please proceed with caution.
So all of you who know me know that this past semester I attended Northwestern College in Saint Paul, MN and am currently in my 2nd semester [actually now that I think about it, i already wrote that in a previous blog...whatever]. As those who know me well know this year has been HARD...really HARD. There have been many things that have contributed to why my journey in college hasn't been an easy one, but my first statement in this blog is that
IT'S OKAY! I may squirm a little every day but I am finally seeing that this is where I am at in my life so why fight it? It's tiring honestly and I am only human. It's okay that I am... well having some growing pains.
Secondly, just to give you a picture of where I'm at [this is mainly for my benefit so that i can look back and say..WOW look at how far i've come], this past christmas break my eyes were opened wide to the pressure I had been living under to be perfect and that completely distorted what i thought was God's voice in my life. Because of this now i find myself in a place where I am SO hungry to be led and feel SO disorientated. Now don't get me wrong God hasn't abandoned me or anything I would just say that all of my messy, ugly..whatever you want to call it, is out in the open and I really need God to do what he does best.
Everything that I found worth in, defined myself by and got relief from is out in the open as well as my selfishness. I finally am starting to understand that this is GOD we are talking about. Like there is no going around the fact that it is time to take Him seriously.
This isn't a "I have the answers blog," it's more like "I don't have the answers blog"...
What I am really longing for is this...
Passion, conviction, an eternal perspective, a servants heart, to know God so intimately that He seriously feels like a part of me, to ultimately hear God's voice in my life, understand his love more, and have eyes to see and ears to hear his reality.
I guess once again i really am humbled -- I'm not who I thought I was, and that's okay because God is bringing me through the fire and I have to trust that He is in control.
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." - Hebrews 12:28-29
"Teach me your way O Lord, That I may walk in your truth; unite my hear to fear your name" - Psalm 86:11
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "make level paths for your feet, 'so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.'" -Hebrews 12:11-12
-- these are the promises/prayers that I have been carrying with me--
-Jamie
So all of you who know me know that this past semester I attended Northwestern College in Saint Paul, MN and am currently in my 2nd semester [actually now that I think about it, i already wrote that in a previous blog...whatever]. As those who know me well know this year has been HARD...really HARD. There have been many things that have contributed to why my journey in college hasn't been an easy one, but my first statement in this blog is that
IT'S OKAY! I may squirm a little every day but I am finally seeing that this is where I am at in my life so why fight it? It's tiring honestly and I am only human. It's okay that I am... well having some growing pains.
Secondly, just to give you a picture of where I'm at [this is mainly for my benefit so that i can look back and say..WOW look at how far i've come], this past christmas break my eyes were opened wide to the pressure I had been living under to be perfect and that completely distorted what i thought was God's voice in my life. Because of this now i find myself in a place where I am SO hungry to be led and feel SO disorientated. Now don't get me wrong God hasn't abandoned me or anything I would just say that all of my messy, ugly..whatever you want to call it, is out in the open and I really need God to do what he does best.
Everything that I found worth in, defined myself by and got relief from is out in the open as well as my selfishness. I finally am starting to understand that this is GOD we are talking about. Like there is no going around the fact that it is time to take Him seriously.
This isn't a "I have the answers blog," it's more like "I don't have the answers blog"...
What I am really longing for is this...
Passion, conviction, an eternal perspective, a servants heart, to know God so intimately that He seriously feels like a part of me, to ultimately hear God's voice in my life, understand his love more, and have eyes to see and ears to hear his reality.
I guess once again i really am humbled -- I'm not who I thought I was, and that's okay because God is bringing me through the fire and I have to trust that He is in control.
"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." - Hebrews 12:28-29
"Teach me your way O Lord, That I may walk in your truth; unite my hear to fear your name" - Psalm 86:11
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "make level paths for your feet, 'so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.'" -Hebrews 12:11-12
-- these are the promises/prayers that I have been carrying with me--
-Jamie
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
She works hard for the money =P
So last week at our hall small group my RA was talking about being servants and how we need to be alert and aware of the holy spirit. This really caught my attention because I know that there are many times where I ignore the holy spirit's whisper. Well the next day I prayed to God that I would be sensitive to that and after my classes were done for the day that prayer definitely was worth it. As i was walking back to my dorm from science I felt God saying "go get an application to work at the cafeteria" - so i went and asked for one and they hired me on the spot! what do ya know?! pretty awesome i'd say =). So last night was my first day of work; i served food, cleaned, and set up and teared down. It was actually the first time that i had joy while i was working - PRAISE GOD. wow, not to say there won't be hard days but I am going free and being responsible and I love it.
Rock on God...Rock on.
Rock on God...Rock on.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Beginnings.
Well i am in my second semester of my first year at Northwestern College...WOW. I don't really know what to say because I'm in such an odd place. I really enjoy Northwestern and feel [as far as I know] led to stay here this semester but today I'm hungry for more. I'm hungry for more of God. I don't know what that looks like but I know it is important to say it. It's important that I wait on God in this season that I am in. I feel so squirmy right now!!!! But So far I have been seeing that this semester is really about learning to follow God and depend on him in a deeper way. I am hungry to be led. And let me tell you this is quite the awkward "dance" I am in. I am hungry to know God more and walk every day with Him. I am NOT satisfied with just having fun or just going to college. I think this is what people call the waiting period.
"I lift up my eyes to you,to you whose throne is in heaven. As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress,so our eyes look to the LORD our God,till he shows us his mercy." - psalm 123:1-2
"Our Soul waits for the Lord, He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22
"And you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place... But i trust in you, O Lord; I say,"You are my God." My times are in your hand...Oh, how abundant is your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear you" - Psalms 31:8,14&15,19
"...but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."-Romans 8:6b
"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
^^ The truth I hold on to right now [in my weakness] is that God is going to lead me wherever I need to be. That He loves me, a sinner, and that He is with me always.
My soul waits for God. This is very new for me because as much as I have made decisions based on what I felt would be pleasing to God, I was doing it to "get it right," God is really freeing me from this and has brought me to repentence, but i believe there is more freedom to come as I wait on Him. I believe freedom is listening to His voice rather than living under the pressure to be perfect. I know this is His perfect timing for all of this so I will rest in Him in My desperation.
<3
"I lift up my eyes to you,to you whose throne is in heaven. As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress,so our eyes look to the LORD our God,till he shows us his mercy." - psalm 123:1-2
"Our Soul waits for the Lord, He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22
"And you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place... But i trust in you, O Lord; I say,"You are my God." My times are in your hand...Oh, how abundant is your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear you" - Psalms 31:8,14&15,19
"...but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."-Romans 8:6b
"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
^^ The truth I hold on to right now [in my weakness] is that God is going to lead me wherever I need to be. That He loves me, a sinner, and that He is with me always.
My soul waits for God. This is very new for me because as much as I have made decisions based on what I felt would be pleasing to God, I was doing it to "get it right," God is really freeing me from this and has brought me to repentence, but i believe there is more freedom to come as I wait on Him. I believe freedom is listening to His voice rather than living under the pressure to be perfect. I know this is His perfect timing for all of this so I will rest in Him in My desperation.
<3
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